Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
