your thong is hanging out like whoa
i don't like sucking hair
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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