why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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