So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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