You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
