R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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