a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
