everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
