take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize