kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
