Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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