Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
