hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
