He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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