So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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