you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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