I will die if light touches me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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