I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
