why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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