There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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