um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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