I'm going to jail i love you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
