Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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