I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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