I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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