i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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