Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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