Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize