I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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