Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
