According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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