We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
