so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
