just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
