Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
