come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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