The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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