i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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