so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Mom said you looked used
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
