census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
