my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
