i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
