I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
