if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dear god my vagina.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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