you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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