Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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