guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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