Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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