tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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