So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
