OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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