I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
