Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
