I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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