I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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