I can text with my tongue
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize