I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
