I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
