No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
