I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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