there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
