i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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