Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
