I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
