He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
